Dec 8, 2016

Mariah Carey Got Pushed Around In A Chair And People Are Living For It

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E!

My family at any gathering: “Either change your attitude or leave.”

Me:

E!

When you come up with a great comeback and the person just stands there, gaping:

E!

Me passing people who I know were just trash-talking me:

E!

Me arriving at my sugar daddy’s funeral:

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Me after leg day:

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Me after I’ve met my step goal for the day:

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Me after I add an extra $25 to my student loan minimum payment:

E!

When you’re too drunk to even get in the club but your friends are determined:

E!

When I win an argument then leave while all my friends escort me:

E!

When your Uber driver isn’t in a white Toyota Camry like the app said, but you got places to be so you get in anyway:

E!

When you get new kicks with white soles and you don’t want them to get dirty:

E!

When your mom picks you up from school early:

E!

When you pretend to fall asleep in the car so your parents will carry you in:

E!

People: You’re so high maintenance.
Me:

E!

When you’re roasting someone and the squad backs you up:

E!

Me on my way to school knowing damn well I didn’t do any of my work:

E!

When you pass your ex-best friend with your new squad:

E!

When someone asks me for something and I pretend not to hear them:

E!

Boyfriend: Babe, come over.

Me: I can’t I’m Mariah Carey.

Boyfriend: My parents aren’t home.

Me:

E!

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